The Prime Ministrel of Canada
What product did Justin Trudeau use for blackening up to sing the Banana Boat song? An investigation.
In the four years since Justin Trudeau’s blackface photos were published by the press — the major outlets already had the photos on file but refused to publish them until the Americans at Time Magazine did first — there is still one burning question left to answer.
How could a white man…
Turn himself into this?
Oh, it’s not a moral question.
It’s a makeup question.
Let’s get into it.
WHAT WE KNOW:
Justin Trudeau blacked himself up on at least three separate occasions, as far back as his rich private school student days and into his days as a rich private school teacher.1
When Justin Trudeau apologized Wednesday night for dressing as Aladdin at a party in 2001 – complete with dark makeup on his face and hands – he admitted it wasn’t the first time he did something racist.
“When I was in high school I dressed up at a talent show and sang ‘Day O’ with makeup on,” he said.
Based on the facts, I am forced to assume Trudeau’s experience with black people was limited to radio broadcasts from the 1920s, as Mr. Popo was not yet on Canadian television during Trudeau’s first foray into Vantablack as couture.
But the mystery is the provenance of the paint. He had to apply it himself — any accomplices would’ve been thrown under the bus on discovery — and, like sunscreen or eyeliner, it had to stay on until it was time for removal.
Colour-swapped Trudeau looks like the “greasy, painted lips” on this old advertisement for lipstick made from indelible bromo acid, but his paint didn’t appear to be melting or rubbing off on clothing. His black don’t crack.
Now we have some constraints — the product was removable, yet had staying power; and was available commercially in the 1980s.
Let’s go through the possibilities for his chosen glaze.
Shoe Polish
Funny, but no. You’d burn your eyes.
Makeup Foundation
Even today, women with very deep complexions struggle to find the right product, let alone in the Canadian 80s.
Also, carbon black is not a human skin tone.
Eyeliner
This is more of a cost argument. Women know that Trudeau wasn’t covered in eyeliner of any sort. It would cost hundreds of dollars.
Traditional Kohl
Trudeau suffering self-induced lead poisoning would be funny, but it would still be too smudgey to work.
Acrylic Paint
Widely available, but cracks too easily on the skin.
Oil Paint
Takes too long to dry.
He’s Actually Black
Justin Trudeau is not the son of Fidel Castro (the timeline doesn’t add up), but perhaps his real dad was African, and Justin has been engaging in performative whiteface his entire life. Now we’re the bad guys for mocking him.
Theatrical Face Paint
When I first saw the photos, my mind went directly to a scene from The Dresser (1983) with Tom Courtenay and Albert Finney.
Courtenay, the titular dresser, finds the confused Finney preparing for Othello instead of King Lear.
In his hand, Finney holds a stick of Leichner stick makeup and Courtenay grabs a pot of what looks like cold cream to break the pigment to be wiped off.
It fits our needs.
Theatrical makeup sticks for hours and can only be removed with an oil base. It’s shiny, and since Trudeau went on to become a drama teacher, it’s not a stretch to believe he knew the local makeup shops in Montreal.
Imagine Fun is 16 minutes away from the school where Trudeau first performed Day-O, but it was not opened until 1989. Cold creams were and still are available at any store with a body care section.
There’s no reason that the city that spawned Cirque du Soleil was impenetrable to the theatrical body paint market.
I know in my heart that Justin Trudeau bought Ben Nye MagiCake Aqua Paint, which can only be removed with grease, but I can’t prove that’s it.
Here’s how the modern product is described:
When it is activated by water, it blooms to an intense, highly pigmented color and dries quickly to a flake resistant finish that lasts. Apply it dry for translucent highlights.
Ladies and gentlemen?
Going to school to become a teacher scores really low on the imagination index, like TV watchers who aspire to be TV actors. I only associate with those who dreamed of working in archeology, but decided against having a career in ruins.