(I-Don’t-Have-An-Editor’s Note: I emailed this out early by accident and added more in the meantime).
One of my mentors didn’t give me much in the way of direct writing advice, other than to dial it back with the fancy commentary.
I’d write, she’d edit, then I’d take a look at her edits.
It’s very similar to the advice I got from my professors, who urged that a 13-word sentence is ten times better than a 14-word sentence, and to try not to say anything untrue.
A common issue with online writing is that online readers will always skip the first three paragraphs I wrote up there.
I can combat this by urging you to go back and read it, or I can accept reality and write a list instead.
So here are a few pieces of writing advice for conservative women (and for conservative men who write like women).
Dial It Back And Don’t Overwrite.
Unless you’re writing for the New York Times, don’t try to write like it’s the New York Times.
My compulsion to overwrite is from years of writing anonymously. When I write under my own name, I go overboard. I usually delete a paragraph or two once I read it back and admit that The Time I Went To The Communist Pizza Shop In Berkeley But My Dietary Restrictions Prevented Me From Trying It doesn’t belong.
If you don’t want to remove your excesses, try removing bulk by shortening every sentence. Think of it like a hairdresser’s thinning shears. Keep the shape; remove the bulk.
A long time reader might be interested in my failed taste test of communist pizza. New ones are not.
Ditch This Style Of Gendered Writing.
I believe that overwriting is a feminine style. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or bad; but since there are more male voices than female voices in the political sphere, women should tread carefully and not fall into Chick Think.
Also, most of your audience is male. This is a fact.
Men also the ones funding the entire right wing, so it’s an important fact.
Women tend to write like this:
“I think that—”
“I believe that—”
“I feel that—”
These are a strong indicator that the author is female, and it introduces doubt that your claims and beliefs are genuine.
“I think it’s too warm for us to get coffee” vs. “It’s too warm for us to get coffee”.
The first version is not set up to unfold in a logical pattern, where point A is combined with point B to form conclusion C. This version forces you to combine several feelings and prevents you from reaching a concrete solution:
“I think it’s too warm for us to get coffee, but I still feel hungry, and want to stop for a bit, why don’t we find a place where we can get a beer and take a look at a menu?”
The second version is a statement of fact, setting the reader up for an if-then assertion.
“It is too warm for us to get coffee, let’s grab a beer and sandwich instead.”
Conservative women have evolved our own writing style that removes the bulky language of feelings and beliefs and thoughts.
Since we’re consciously holding off on our feeeeelings in the beginning, and since we as women still have feeeeeelings we must express, we tend to hold our feeeeeelings and commentary until the end of a paragraph. This allows us to explain upfront the circumstances as to why we have such strong feeeeelings.
Think of it as the difference between “I’m so upset today, I spilled coffee all over my purse” and “I spilled coffee in my purse when I knocked it over on to the passenger seat, and it’s made me upset all day.” You should try to explain the reasoning (my actions ruined my purse) before your conclusion (I feel upset).
Note: Internet writing is easier to read when broken up into sentences with lots of free space, so a modern e-paragraph can be considered a complete unit even if it’s broken up into 2-4 sentences.
The first sentences in one of these broken paragraphs, assuming it’s written in the developed Adult Conservative Female writing style, generally stacks non-chronological references to a variety of stories and facts, with the theme revealed in the commentary at the end.
Here’s an example from
:After years of making insane accusations against Trump, from Russian collusion to indicting him for misdemeanor record-keeping errors in his blackmail payments to a porn star, liberals finally have him dead to rights committing serious felonies. And no one believes them.
It's your own fault, liberals.
Note: Ann does not say “Stormy Daniels”; she writes “a porn star” in confidence that her audience can connect the dots. Pithy, accurate summations prove that Ann does, indeed, have a thorough understanding of the Stormy Daniels case.
Male conservatives on the YouTube grind don’t appear to write much, if anything, anymore. Writing is not profitable, unless it’s a video script.
Men like to make every line equally quotable; women write with more padding around their conclusions. I think this is why comedy is more of a male orientation.
Every line of good comedy is funny, not just the punchline.
Women don’t mind making the audience wait for a payoff, as if they got their start writing for Reader’s Digest, or if they think of writing like waiting a table. Male comedians excel at making every line leading up to the payoff memorable.
You are competing for eyeballs with every word. You can either produce great words, or be hot enough that someone else will tell you what to say and people will listen just to stare at you.
I don’t think women need to write or talk like men to be taken seriously by men. Frankly, I don’t want to write like a man.
But I do want to talk to them.
Men on the right are rightly suspicious of whichever new woman pops up with opinions. If she’s too hot, she’s a shill and plant. If she’s ugly, well, she’s competing against the hot chicks and either needs to be brilliant or work behind the scenes.
Women are likely to be judged on our appearance and sex, so a woman looking to claw her way up the respectability ladder can do so by eschewing the pipeline where outward appearance is number one by providing lots of written work. Then you’re an author first, before you’re a Hot Woman With Opinions On YouTube.
Ann also dispenses wonderful advice in warning women from including ourselves on “Conservative Women Discuss XYZ” panels, or from identifying as a Female Anything. Calling a woman doctor a woman doctor is limiting and offensive, unless she’s made her entire career out of the fact that she’s a woman in a man’s field. Only then is she a woman doctor.
Think of it as the difference between “white women” and “White Women”.
Young Conservative Females can rise through the ranks because they’re hot, all the while missing opportunities to grow as original writers with original thoughts.
After ten years, the now Aging Conservative Female has a lot of appearances under her belt owing to her face; and the Aging Conservative Male has a lot of written work under his belt owing to his original, written thoughts.
Young Conservative Females are set up for failure when they are included on panels and in organizations for the sake of HaHaHa Our Conservative Women Are Soooo Hot instead of their expertise in the topic at hand. It makes Young Conservative Females look foolish and in over their heads. Male handlers/managers of Young Conservative Females aren’t looking for a long term apprentice. You’re out when the crow’s feet creep in.
Is it fair? No. But these are the rules. I didn’t make them up.
Don’t Take The Scenic Route.
You’ve heard of the gender pay gap.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s real — only because women are terrible at negotiation.
The gender pay gap is a result of salary increases on top of a lower, female baseline. Accepting slightly lower starting salaries than men means that, after ten years of percentage-based raises, there will be a wider gap between women and men.1
Some things in life are reserved for people who ask. After all, how else would your friend know you needed to borrow their hedge clipper, unless you asked to borrow their hedge clipper?
So, ladies: Be direct in your writing if you’re asking for a direct action.
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7 (NABRE)
Please share this article with Young Conservative Females, or with a Conservative Male who writes like a chick:
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Thanks for reading. I wrote this as a break from my research into my series on the Jeffrey Epstein emails released by the Federal Bureau of Prisons.
See also Elmore Leonard's "Rules for Writers". But I suspect such advice is mostly wasted: those who get it seldom need it; those who need it, well, as John Gardner once wrote, "To write junk fiction requires an authentic junk mind."